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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29593680">Mmm Watcha' Saaay</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/UtterlyBabbling/pseuds/UtterlyBabbling'>UtterlyBabbling</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Charmed (TV 2018), The Lonely Island (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack Fic, Crossovers &amp; Fandom Fusions, Gen, Jordygael-Brotp, Made Up Name For Abigael's Sister, The Shooting AKA Dear Sister AU</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 01:28:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,313</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29593680</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/UtterlyBabbling/pseuds/UtterlyBabbling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by a post asking for a mash-up between The Lonely Island's "Dear Sister" (or aka The Shooting skit) and "the letter reading scene" from the 2018 Charmed series.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Abigael Jameson-Caine &amp; Jordan Chase</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Mmm Watcha' Saaay</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I had planned for my first fanfic shared online to be a multiple chapter, "well" thought out story, but didn't account for a crack au idea to be written out and finished way before that fic. It do be like that sometimes, I guess.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Winifred sat on a recliner in her family’s living room. Trying to finish her letter to attach it to the package that Abigael’s new errand boy was due to pick up sometime during the day. Hopefully he could make his way to the cottage that served as their familiar home sometime before the sun set, or without running into any wandering hungry bears.<br/>
<br/>
It would be an unpleasant errand associating, more than needed, with anyone who decided to lower themselves to serve as a postal boy for her kinwoman. ‘<em>Then again who knows what sort of trickery the poor fool has fallen for from Abigael.’</em><br/>
<br/>
As Winifred finished up her last word in the letter, she saw her mother out of the corner of her eye stride into the room. As much as she detested spending time reminiscing her wayward kin, Winifred couldn’t help but be reminded of how Abigael shared the same confident swagger as their mother, and even though she herself had tried to perfect the sashay they both pulled of effortlessly, it never felt as striking as her sister's rendition of their mother’s walk.<br/>
<br/>
‘<em>Not that Francesca or Abigael would ever admit having something in common with each other.’</em><br/>
<br/>
“What are you doing my joy?” Francesca asks as she slides onto the settee adjacent to Winifred’s seat.<br/>
<br/>
“Nothing, I was just finishing up <em>the letter</em>.” Winifred replied as she glanced down at the finished letter, intent on re reading it a final time. No way she was going to show <em>any </em>weakness to Abigael, in <em>any </em>form. “You know mother, working on <em>this</em> has made me realize that it’s pretty crazy. We haven’t written to each other in years…It-it has been a weir-”<br/>
<br/>
A billow of something starts to surround Winifred. Panicked, she turns to her only immediate source of help in the home.<br/>
<br/>
<em>Mmm, what you say?</em></p><p><em> Mm, that you only meant well? </em> <em><br/>
</em> <em> Well, of course you did </em> <em> . </em></p><p>
  <em> Mmm, what you say? </em>
</p><p><em> Mm, that it's all for the best? </em> <em><br/>
</em> <em> Of course it is. </em></p><p>
  <em> Mmm, what you say? </em>
</p><p><em> Mm, that it's just what we need? </em> <em><br/>
</em> <em> And you decided this </em> <em> . </em></p><p><em>What you say?</em><em><br/>
</em><em>Mmm, what did She say?</em><br/>
<br/>
There Francesca stands, smoking potion vial settling in her hands.<br/>
<br/>
Knowing that she has been betrayed, Winifred succumbs to the effects of the potion’s smoke and drops to the floor. Eyes wide in shock.<br/>
<br/>
Francesca <em>had </em>to do it. She wouldn’t let Abigael claw her way back into their lives. Not when they had spent all these blissful years forgetting all about one of her worst mistakes from her ignorant, reckless youth.<br/>
<br/>
With labored breath and shaky undignified movements Francesca gave her beloved daughter a glance before turning to deal with the letter that was dropped by the plain envelope and the brown package meant to accompany it; balancing on the arm chair Winifred sat on moments before.<br/>
<br/>
Before she could even think to stretch out and reach for the items. A rising cloud of smoke engulfed her.<br/>
<br/>
‘<em>How?!’</em><em><br/>
</em><em><br/>
</em> As the smoke shifts, she manages to see Winifred lifting her body enough, off the floor, to uncork a potion of her own!<br/>
<br/>
<em>Mmm Watcha’ saaay?</em><em><br/>
</em><em>Mmm that yoou only meaant well?</em><em><br/>
</em><em><br/>
Well of cour’se it is</em><em><br/>
</em><em><br/>
Mmm Watcha’ saaay?</em><em><br/>
</em><em>Mm thaaat its aaall for the beeest?</em><em><br/>
</em><em><br/>
Auf cour’se it is</em><em><br/>
</em><em><br/>
Mmm watcha saaay?</em><em><br/>
</em><em>Mmm thaat it’s jus’ whaaat we neeed?</em><em><br/>
</em><em><br/>
An’ you decided this</em><em><br/>
</em><em><br/>
Mm Whatcha you say</em><em><br/>
</em><em>Mmm whaa did she say?</em><br/>
<br/>
As Francesca’s brain loses control of her body, she feels herself fall. She sees that in some weird poetic twist, she will land next to her precious Winifred.<br/>
<br/>
The vial that contains the potion that lead to both of their downfall lays between them.</p>
<hr/><p>There’s a knock on the door.<br/>
<br/>
“Excuse me! Hello?!” a voice calls out, “Your front door was unlocked and opened, so I thought I would bring in this Amazon delivery you guys had out by the mail post.” A rangy man with an olive jacket cautiously stepped into the living room holding a ridiculously sized cardboard box with Amazon labeled tape across it’s lids.”You guys may live out in the woods but you should be careful about thieves. Who knows how desperate Yogi Bear is nowadays.” he continues his explanation on why he decided to break into a stranger’s home.<br/>
<br/>
As Jordan sets the box down next to the wall, adjacent to the living room’s entrance, he feels something is not right.<br/>
<br/>
Even with being on guard due to the thought of meeting Abigael’s family, he is caught by surprise at the scene before him. The bodies of two unknown women splayed on the ground side by side.<br/>
<br/>
Fighting the dread that the unknown brings, he is about to try and see if they are still alive, when he spots a package and a letter on the arms of a recliner. Remembering the wayward mission he took with Harry, Jordan decides to secure the items he suspects he was meant to retrieve for Abigael.<br/>
<br/>
As Jordan manages to grasp the envelope and letter on one hand, and the small pack on the other hand, his honed sense for danger alert him to move, and he does. Just barely avoiding a waff of smoke that would have ensnared him.<br/>
<br/>
<em>Mmm, what you say?</em></p><p><em> Mm, that you only meant well? </em> <em><br/>
</em> <em> Well, of course you did </em> <em> . </em></p><p>
  <em> Mmm, what you say? </em>
</p><p><em> Mm, that it's all for the best? </em> <em><br/>
</em> <em> Of course it is. </em></p><p>
  <em> Mmm, what you say? </em>
</p><p><em> Mm, that it's just what we need? </em> <em><br/>
</em> <em> And you decided this </em> <em> . </em> <em><br/>
</em> <em><br/>
</em> As Jordan high tails it out of the home and back the path he travelled he misses a smirking Francesca. Nodding to herself before she slumps back down, joining Winifred on the floor.</p>
<hr/><p>“They did it.” Abigael says in mild disbelief as she feels her body no longer struggling to breath, and her energy surging back.<br/>
<br/>
With a rejuvenated feeling and remembering the love that Mel spoke with when talking about her sisters, Abigael reached for the letter Jordy had delivered earlier to her before The Charmed Ones dragged her into another magical misadventure.<br/>
<br/>
Ripping the envelope open she reads:<br/>
<br/>
<em>“Dear Sister,</em><em><br/>
</em><em><br/>
</em> <em>By the time you read this I’ll possibly be dead. This is how I think it is going to happen: Mother will use a potion on me, and I’ll fall to the floor. Then, when mother lets her guard down, I will use a potion on her. Then Jordan will enter the house, because I left the front door open, and mother will try and use a potion on him, but he will manage to escape. Sadly because he escapes he won’t be able to help us, and the door will be left open, because he ran out of the house as fast as he could.</em><em><br/>
</em><em><br/>
</em><em>Sincerely your sister,</em><em><br/>
</em> <em>Winifred</em><em><br/>
</em><em><br/>
</em><em>P.S. Then you read this letter after the charmed ones barely managed to save all magic, and you will go on a rampage after the post postscript in this letter where we tell you that we still don’t love you and want nothing to do with you.</em><em><br/>
</em><em>P.P.S. You got your freaky totem you requested. If we’re still alive Mother and I want nothing to do with it, or you."</em><em><br/>
</em><em><br/>
</em>As Abigael slowly lowered the letter in disbelief, she felt a surge of rage over take her. She let’s it take over as she begins to trash and rampage over her condo. Only pausing briefly to crush the totem delivered to her and ingesting the cloud of smoke it releases.<br/>
<br/>
“Now there’s no stopping me.”<em><br/>
</em><em><br/>
</em><em>Mmm Watcha’ saaay?</em><em><br/>
</em><em>Mmm that yoou only meaant well?</em><em><br/>
</em><em><br/>
Well of cour’se eet is</em><em><br/>
</em><em><br/>
Mmm Watcha’ saaay?</em><em><br/>
</em><em>Mm thaaat its aaall for the beeest?</em><em><br/>
</em><em><br/>
Auf cour’se eet is</em><em><br/>
</em><em><br/>
Mmm watcha saaay?</em><em><br/>
</em><em>Mmm thaat it’s jus’ whaaat we neeed?</em><em><br/>
</em><em><br/>
An’ you decided this</em><em><br/>
</em><br/>
Mm Whatcha you say<em><br/>
</em>Mmm whaa did she say?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I did try to keep the spirit of the passed around gun prop in the story with the vial, if anyone caught the spellings and wondered about a possible correlation.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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